This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
