ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
