haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
