what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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