i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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