I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
