yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
