Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ok first of all what the fuck
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
