I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
