Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
