I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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