Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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