dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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