I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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