i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize