There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
