Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
