How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
