sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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