I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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