5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
