Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
