DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
