Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
