She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
