my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
