He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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