I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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