would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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