We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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