Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
