what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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