my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
