we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
