I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
