No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
