FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
