i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
