oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
