I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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