Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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