News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
