I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
