I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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