Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize