Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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