Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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