WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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