i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
