Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
bring money and cleavage
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
