i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
