he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
