I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
