So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
