Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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