Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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