She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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