Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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