once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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