I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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