you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
