lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
