when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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