I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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