i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think my vagina is haunted
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
