i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
