Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
