i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
