I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
