I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
there is puke in my bra ... again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
