i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
