im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize