you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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