Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
