I smell stomach acid.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I would ride that face into the sunset
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
