Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
