i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
