So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
