Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
