What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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