I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
