i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
