Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
