i just had sex bonerless
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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