Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
