beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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