i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
